| the power of nostalgia |
[31 Aug 2009|10:19pm] |
you just have to accept that people outgrow each other.
that lives can intersect at only a single point sometimes.
and people lose touch, unknowingly, but necessarily.
there are people whom you'd rather keep, but who seem the hardest to hang on to.
people whose lives you'd want to get drenched in, whom you'd want to dance in the rain with, but you just watch from the other side of the window.
there are moments you need to remind yourself were real, as if yesterday was any less real than today or tomorrow.
how can we all be headed in separate directions?
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| repost |
[10 Jun 2009|09:00pm] |
ON WORK
by KENT NERBURN
I often hear people say, "I have to find myself." What they really mean
is, "I have to make myself." Life is an endlessly creative experience, and
we are making ourselves every moment by every decision we make. That is
why the work you choose for yourself is so crucial to your sense of value
and well-being. No matter how much you might believe that your work is
nothing more than what you do to make money, your work makes you who you
are, because it is where you put your time.
I remember several years ago when I was intent upon building my reputation
as a sculptor. I took a job driving a cab, because, as I told people, "I
want some job that I will never confuse with a profession." Yet within
six months, I was talking like a cab driver, thinking like a cab driver,
looking at the world through the eyes of a cab driver. My anecdotes came
from my job, as did my observations about life. I became embroiled in the
personalities and politics of the company for which I worked and developed
the habits and rhythms of life that went along with my all-night driving
shift. On the days when I did not drive and instead worked on my
sculpture, I still carried the consciousness of a cab driver with me.
Whether I liked it or not, I was a cab driver. This happens to
anyone who takes a job. Even if you hate a job and keep a distance from
it, you are defining yourself in opposition to the job by resisting it. By
giving the job your time, you are giving it your consciousness. And it
will, in turn, fill your life with the reality that it presents. Many
people ignore this fact. They choose a profession because it seems
exciting, or because they can make a lot of money, or because it has some
prestige in their minds. They commit themselves to their work, but slowly
find themselves feeling restless and empty. The time they have to spend on
their work begins to hang heavy on their hands, and soon they feel
constricted and trapped. They join the legions of humanity who Thoreau
said lead lives of quiet desperation - unfulfilled, unhappy and uncertain
of what to do.
Yet the lure of financial security and the fear of the unknown keep them
from acting to change their lives, and their best energies are spend
creating justifications for staying where they are or inventing activities
outside of work that they hope will provide them with a sense of meaning.
But these efforts can never be totally successful. We are what we do, and
the more we do it, the more we become it. The only way out is to change
our lives or to change our expectations for our lives. And if we lower our
expectations we are killing our dreams, and a man without dreams is
already half dead.
So you need to choose your work carefully. You need to look beyond the
external measurements of prestige and money and glamour to see what you
will be doing on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour, minute-to-minute basis to see
if that is how you want to spend your time. Time may not be the way you
measure the value of your work, but it is the way you experience it.
What you need to do is think of work as "vocation." This word may seem
stilted in its tone, but it has a wisdom within it. It comes from the
Latin word for calling, which comes from the word for voice. In those
meanings it touches on what work really should be. It should be something
that calls to you as something you want to do, and it should be something
that gives voice to who you are and what you want to say to the world.
So a true vocation calls to you to perform it and it allows your life to
speak. This is very different from work, which is just an exchange of
labor for money. It is even very different from a profession, which is an
area of expertise you have been sanctioned to represent.
A vocation is something you feel compelled to do, or at least something
that fills you with a sense of meaning. It is something you choose because
of what it allows you to say with your life, not because of the money it
pays you or the way it will make you appear to others. It is, above all
else, something that lets you love.
When you find a vocation, embrace it with your whole heart. Few people are
so lucky. They begin their search for work with an eye to the wrong prize,
so when they win, they win something of little value. They gain money or
prestige, but they lose their hearts. Eventually their days become nothing
more than a commodity that they exchange for money, and they begin to
shrivel and die.
I often think of a man I met on the streets of Cleveland. He was an
assembly-line worker in an automobile plant. He said his work was so
hateful that he could barely stand to get up in the morning. I asked him
why he didn't quit. "I've only got thirteen more years to go to
retirement," he answered. And he meant it. His life had so gotten away
from him that he was willing to accept a thirteen-year death sentence for
his spirit rather than give up the security it earned.
When I spoke with him I was about twenty. I was young and free; I didn't
understand what he was saying at all. It seemed incomprehensible to me
that a man could have become so defeated by life that he was willing to
let his life die as he held it in his hands.
Now I understand too well. Lured by what had seemed like big money at the
time, he had chosen a job that didn't offer him any inner satisfaction. He
lived a good life, rolling from paycheck to paycheck and getting the car
or the boat that he had always dreamed of having. Year by year he
advanced, because businesses reward perseverance.
His salary went up, his options for other types of employment went down,
and he settled into a routine that financed his life. He married, bought a
house, had children, and grew into middle age. The job that had seemed
like freedom when he was young became a deadening routine. Year by year he
began to hate it. It choked him, but he had no means of escape. He needed
its money to live; no job he might change to would pay him as much as he
was currently making. His fear for the health and security of his family
kept him from breaking free into a world where all things were possible
but no things were paid for, and so he gave in.
"I've only got thirteen more years to retirement" was a prisoner's way of
counting the days until the job would release him and pay him for his
freedom. Most people's lives are a variation on that theme. So few take
the time when they are young to explore the real meaning of the jobs they
are taking or to consider the real implications of the occupations to
which they are committing their lives.
Some have no choice. Without money, without training, with the pressures
of life building around them, they choose the best alternative that offers
itself. But many others just fail to see clearly. They chase false dreams,
and fall into traps they could have avoided if they had listened more
closely to their hearts when choosing their life's work.
But even if you listen closely to your heart, making the right choice is
difficult. You can't really know what it is you want to do by thinking
about it. You have to do it and see how it fits. You have to let the work
take you over until it becomes you and you become it; then you have to
decide whether to embrace it or abandon it. And few have the courage to
abandon something that defines their security and prosperity. Yet there is
no reason why a person cannot have two, three or more careers in the
course of a life. There is no reason why a person can't abandon a job that
does not fit anymore and strike out into the unknown for something that
lies closer to the heart. There is risk, there is loss, and there likely
will be privation. If you have allowed your job to define your sense of
self-worth, there may even be a crisis of identity. But no amount of
security is worth the suffering of a life lived chained to a routine that
has killed all your dreams.
You must never forget that to those who hire you, your labor is a
commodity. You are paid because you provide a service that is useful. If
the service you provide is no longer needed, it doesn't matter how
honorable, how diligent, how committed you have been in your work. If what
you can contribute is no longer needed, you are no longer needed and you
will be let go. Even if you've committed your life to the job, you are, at
heart, a part of the commercial exchange, and you are valuable only so
long as you are a significant contributor to that commercial exchange. It
is nothing personal; it's just the nature of economic transaction.
So it does not pay to tie yourself to a job that kills your love of life.
The job will abandon you if it has to. You can abandon the job if you have
to. The man I met in Cleveland may have been laid off the year before he
was due to retire. He may have lost his pension because of a legal detail
he never knew existed. He may have died on the assembly line while waiting
to put a bolt in a fender.
I once had a professor who dreamed of being a concert pianist. Fearing the
possibility of failure, he went into academics where the work was secure
and the money was predictable. One day, when I was talking to him about my
unhappiness in my graduate studies, he walked over and sat down at his
piano. He played a beautiful glisando and then, abruptly, stopped. "Do
what is in your heart," he said. "I really only wanted to be a concert
pianist. Now I spend every day wondering how good I might have been."
Don't let this be your epitaph at the end of your working life. Find out
what it is that burns in your heart and do it. Choose a vocation, not a
job, and you will be at peace. Take a job instead of finding a vocation,
and eventually you will find yourself saying, "I've only got thirteen more
years to retirement," or "I spend every day wondering how good I might
have been."
We all owe ourselves better than that.
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| quarterlife help! |
[23 Apr 2009|10:25pm] |
it's a pretty long read, but it's helpful. hope you guys get some
insights out of this! no solutions, but it can help you at least
structure your thoughts and feelings on this quarterlife bug.
--------------------------------------
http://www.eyeweekly.com/features/article/55882
Imagine a day in the life of a couple you probably know. He's 27 years
old, and she's 26. They wake up beside each other in his downtown
bachelor apartment and have sex that neither of them particularly
enjoys. They've been sort-of dating for a while now, but they're not
willing to commit to each other: he likes her, but doesn't know if he
always will. She can't decide if she likes him more or less than the
other two guys she's sleeping with.
He bikes to work at an advertising agency, where he uses his master's
in English to proofread ad copy, and spends several hours reading
music blogs and watching movie trailers, periodically Twittering
updates about his workday to his 74 followers. He doesn't really hate
his job, but feels as if his skin is crawling with vermin most of the
time that he's there, so he has a plan to move to Thailand, or to
maybe write a book. Or go to law school.
At her government job, she instant messages her friends and mostly
ignores the report she's drafting because she's planning on quitting
anyway - and has been planning to quit for about a year now. She
spends her lunch hour buying boots that cost slightly more than her
rent, then immediately regrets it.
He listlessly works through lunch, then goes to the bar after work to
meet up with some university friends, where they talk about their jobs
and make ironic jokes about other people. Back at home, he wonders why
he feels so gross and empty after spending time with them, but it's
mostly better than being alone.
She walks to the house that she shares with three friends and spends a
few more hours on celebrity gossip websites, then clicking through the
Facebook photos of girls she knew in high school posing with their
husbands and babies, simultaneously judging them and feeling a deep
pit of jealousy, and a strange kind of loss. "When did this happen for
them?" she wonders.
They both eventually fall asleep, late and alone, each of them
wondering what it is that's wrong with them that they can't quite seem
to understand.
This phenomenon, known as the "Quarterlife Crisis," is as ubiquitous
as it is intangible. Unrelenting indecision, isolation, confusion and
anxiety about working, relationships and direction is reported by
people in their mid-twenties to early thirties who are usually urban,
middle class and well-educated; those who should be able to capitalize
on their youth, unparalleled freedom and free-for-all individuation.
They can't make any decisions, because they don't know what they want,
and they don't know what they want because they don't know who they
are, and they don't know who they are because they're allowed to be
anyone they want.
When a contemporary 25-year-old's parents were 25, they weren't
concerned with keeping their options open: they were purposefully
buying houses, making babies and making partner. Now, who we are and
what we do is up to us, unbound to existing communities, families and
class structures that offer leisure and self-determination to just a
few. Boomer and post-boom parents with more money and autonomy than
their predecessors has resulted in benignly self-indulgent children
who were sold on their own uniqueness, place in the world and right to
fulfillment in a way no previous generation has felt entitled to, and
an increasingly entrepreneurial, self-driven creation myth based on
personal branding, social networking and untethered lifestyle spending
is now responsible for our identities.
IDENTIFIED FOR THE first time in 2001, the Quarterlife Crisis has been
written about most notably by Alexandra Robbins and Abby Wilner in the
New York Times best seller Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges
of Life in Your Twenties. The themes of twentysomething ennui are
everywhere in pop culture (Garden State; Lost in Translation) but it's
also been explicitly addressed: on Gossip Girl, Blair Waldorf explains
some bad behaviour with "I was such an overachiever, I was headed for
a Quarterlife Crisis at 18"; in the John Mayer song "Why Georgia" ("I
rent a room and I fill the spaces with wood in places to make it feel
like home but all I feel's alone / It might be a Quarterlife Crisis or
just the stirring in my soul"); Quarterlife was a successful web
series about seven twentysomethings with creative tendencies. There's
also a terrible metal band from Long Island called Quarterlife Crisis
who look like an apathetic version of Insane Clown Posse.
Says Michael Kimmel, a sociologist and author of Guyland: The Perilous
World Where Boys Become Men, "The Quarterlife Crisis is a kind of
anticipatory crisis: 'How is my life going to turn out? I don't have a
clue; I don't have a map; I don't have a vision for it.' The mid-life
crisis is a kind of 'Is this it? I had a big plan, I had big ideas.
Now I'm 48 and I guess I won't get to do those things.' The mid-life
crisis is understood as one of resignation. A Quarterlife Crisis will
resolve itself by hooking itself into a plan." What that plan could
be, though, might be vague, or feel altogether impossible to create.
Attempts to manage the Quarterlife Crisis might be as banal as
drinking a lot, doing a bunch of drugs, sleeping with idiots and
myriad other kinds of self-flagellation, but broader attempts are made
to find some sense of purpose. An obvious choice for panicking
twentysomethings with a post-undergraduate sense of displacement and
for the ones that aren't fulfilled by their jobs is grad school.
James, a 28-year-old student, says "Quarterlife crises are the reason
that so many universities have turned lower-level graduate programs
into a cash cow." Graduate and professional school can provide a
direction and delay other choices about career and stability. And,
while it's true that higher education can "help students improve their
personal and professional competency," it can also "leave students
feeling insecure about their abilities and their job prospects," says
Marc Scheer, who is a career counsellor and educational consultant,
the author of No Sucker Left Behind: Avoiding the Great College
Rip-Off and an advocate for considering options beyond formal
education. (He also has a Ph.D.) Scheer emphasizes making an informed
choice. "Whether graduate school is a wise move depends on each
individual student and what they want to study. Law school can be
helpful, but mostly if a student can gain acceptance to a top-tier
school. Getting a Ph.D. could be dangerous for some students,
especially since Ph.D. graduation rates are obscenely low these days,
and few tenure-track jobs are available. So it really depends."
Among the implicit promises made to this generation of
twentysomethings was that they would have work that was engaging and
creatively fulfilling. A 27-year-old freelance graphic designer with a
graduate degree who is struggling to find work, Prescott says "You
could always say the whole premise of education is that if you study,
get good grades, acquire skills, you will have more options in a
'career and life' point of view. If you get a degree, you don't have
to work in a factory or have to work in a farm. That's proving to be a
huge lie, because you have people coming out of school and there are
just no jobs, especially in 'middle-class' fields." The dissonance
between a twentysomething's pre-career expectations and the
dissatisfaction they feel as part of the working world can be hugely
defeating. As Kimmel says, "They don't have much of a life plan about
how to move from Point A to Point B. What happens very often is they
have very big ambitions, [but] there is a mismatch between their
planning for their lives and their ambitions." He also says that the
conflict is made more difficult because 25-year-olds are living "in an
economic environment which is the most inhospitable in our history."
David J. Rosen, the author of What's that Job and How the Hell Do I
Get It, a career guide based on interviews with young professionals
with "cool" jobs across a variety of professions, says "Generally,
being happy at work is huge part of having a happy life, and a cool
and interesting job is one that leaves you fulfilled, not bitter, or
not with that existential career angst that you were meant for 'more
than this.'"
SPENDING MONEY IS as fraught as making it. Multiple degrees, trips to
Peru, and keeping up appearances on Saturday night all communicate
values and desires, and having no consistent sense of "want" can
reinforce the problem, often with trail of debt. Anya Kamenetz, who is
a 29-year-old staff writer at Fast Company magazine and the author of
the book Generation Debt: Why Now is a Terrible Time to be Young, says
"As recently as the early 1990s, Americans had less than $10,000 of
student loans on average. Now the average is over $20,000. As of about
2006, young people had $4,000 of credit-card debt on average, and
those with debt were spending a quarter of their income on debt
payments." Kamenetz says "Debt and lower income can affect your choice
of jobs. It can take longer to move out of your parents' house or stop
accepting those cheques and become fully independent. And many young
people find themselves asking the question: 'Why haven't I made more
progress?' It makes people feel like failures when really there are
larger trends at work." This is also, in part, what has led to the
"Boomerang" trend, where adult children move back in with their
parents after leaving for school or work.
Scheer identifies another, more insidious problem with grad school,
and with delaying career choices generally: "Graduate school presents
some 'opportunity costs' in that students can't work while they go to
school. So, for example, someone who goes to medical school and
doesn't finish residency until their late 20s or early 30s won't
financially catch up to their friends until they are in their late 30s
or early 40s or later. These are all important factors to consider and
not be unrealistically optimistic about."
The Quarterlife Crisis remains largely a middle-class, Stuff White
People Like kind of problem, and usually manifests itself where
certain problematic social norms used to exist, like who had access to
education and interesting work, and who was allowed adventure and
self-determination. The twentysomething void is, in large part, due to
the important evolution of sexual equality, and when sex,
relationships, and family-building changes, everything does.
Kimmel says, of men in particular, "Part of the Quarterlife Crisis is
a kind of malaise that the end of your youth is really the end of fun.
And that you're never going to have any fun again, because you have to
work. You're never going to have sex again because you're going to get
married. Your life is over." So why bother? Literal and figurative
fucking around is infinitely more appealing to men who are still
sorting out what they want their lives to look like.
"Grown-ups understand that the choices we make also involve choices we
don't make," Kimmel says. "We have some regrets and we carry [those]
with us. Guys don't get a lot of help in this from each other or from
our culture. Culturally we have got to show guys that the other side
of this is actually terrific." He points out that, statistically,
married men are happier and have more sex, and that fathers experience
lower levels of depression. Still, Kimmel points out that very young
marriage has the highest rate of divorce, and that men would do well
to spend their unmarried years focused on their own growth, rather
than Halo 3.
WOMEN ALSO FIND themselves conflicted, usually more than men, about
the trajectory of their twenties as they relate to relationships.
Sarah, who is 27 and works at a non-profit, wants to travel and get a
master's degree, but feels conflicted about doing either. "I want to
have kids, and every day that goes by, I have this number in my head.
It's 32. It used to be 30. That's only a few years from now. I'm
thinking, if I don't do some of this stuff now, before I have kids, am
I going to be able to do it?" Women are roundly considered to be in
biologically ideal form for baby-making in their twenties and early
thirties, which are also prime fun-having and career-building years.
For women who want all of the things promised by (theoretically) equal
education, work and sex lives, the conflict of desires can be
catastrophic. Leah, who is a 26-year-old with a demanding corporate
job, says "I feel tied down because of my job, but at the same time
feel that while I am single and young I should travel because I don't
have any obligations to other people, and it's only going to get
harder as I get older." Sarah says, "Am I going to have regrets? Once
you have kids, your opportunities are over. That's probably not true.
But everyone seems to change. All of the women who I work with who
have kids, they change. Their priorities shift." Sarah's boyfriend
doesn't feel the same pressure. "He doesn't have that kind of
timeframe. He says 'I don't even think about that.' Of course you
don't think about it.... [Men] really don't think about it."
In 1973, the average age for women to get married was 23, and for men,
25. By 2003, the average age for both rose about five years, a
significant change that reflects both marriage-free cohabitation and
purposefully delaying serious commitment. It also means that
twentysomethings are increasingly going it alone in their financial
lives, where they would historically be building assets and houses and
portfolios alongside their partner. Women, especially, are buying
homes on their own. It also means that loneliness and isolation are
far more likely, particularly when being separated from the close
friendships that make up university life happens without a family or
back-up community in place.
THE EMOTIONAL TUMULT reported during, or remembered after, a
Quarterlife Crisis has a scarily ineffable quality. This isolation and
its private anxiety are pervasive, as is a longing for the way things
were in the predictably structured eras of high school and college or
university. The directionlessness and resulting immobility is made
worse when twentysomethings going through the Crisis compare
themselves to their peers, past and present, further convincing
someone in the throes of it that they're not only alone, but the worst
kind of failure. Says Leah, "A lot of [my friends] are settling down
and getting ready to take the next steps towards marriage and families
and it makes me question why I am not doing the same, and I realize
that the amount of effort they put into finding a partner and getting
married I put into my career. So how could I possibly have time for
both?"
Twentysomethings are also inundated with constant but mostly empty
communication, as the increasingly primary social sphere exists online
instead of real life. Nothing could be more alienating to someone in
the midst of a crisis than a tool like Facebook. Says James, "All
sorts of half-forgotten acquaintances and abandoned friendships
reappear in this spreadsheet of potential reasons to feel terrible
about yourself. If you're as petty as I am, you spend a lot of
Facebook time gauging your own feelings of inadequacy in direct
relation to other people's success. All these people you couldn't give
a shit about a couple of years ago are now these omnipresent
benchmarks and counterpoints to measure against whatever you have or
haven't got going on in your life."
Adair, who is 30, found herself mired in a Quarterlife Crisis and
sought professional help. She says, "I worked with a life coach, and
he helped me a lot to realize that I was creating a vicious cycle in
my life.... It was a cycle with four different phases, and I've
followed it basically throughout my life. The steps were: I would get
really excited about something, something new something different,
something stellar, big. I went off to school totally excited and ready
for an awesome experience. Stage two would be like 'Oh, this is it?
This is kind of boring now.' After one-and-a-half exciting and
non-stop years, I realized that I wasn't excited about being there
anymore. Stage three would be 'What am I doing, why am I choosing to
do this?' In that third stage I would inevitably have some type of
breakdown, [which] usually consisted of crying and talking through the
feelings of emptiness and boredom with a friend or family member. Then
I would have kind of breakthrough in that experience and get myself
back up. At that point, I went abroad to Seville, Spain.... Now every
time I'm faced with a change or new situation or find myself bored, I
ask myself if this is a part of the cycle, or is this genuinely how
I'm feeling."
Having so much - youth, ability, independence - can feel like the
worst possible scenario. What remains, though, is the potential for
the years with anxiety and without direction to be reclaimed. Scheer
sees real opportunity here. "If you feel you're in crisis, this is a
great opportunity to draft a five-year plan with steady concrete goals
to help you get to where you want to be. Anyone can transform their
life in just a few years." Michael Kimmel says "There is life on the
other side of this, and it's actually a pretty good one. Growing up
may be hard to do, but in the end, the gains outweigh the losses." In
other words: it might just be time to grow the fuck up.
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| Proud Pinoy Moment! |
[05 Apr 2009|11:11pm] |
I was watching Big Fish on Star Movies yesterday, and I noticed a scene for the very first time!
It was the scene when Ed Bloom (Ewan McGregor) was drafted for the army, and he wanted to get home as fast as he could, so he took on the most dangerous assignments. He jumped out of a plane, into a Korean (i think) base camp. As he's landing with his chute open, the scene shifts to a soldier entertaining the troops with a ventriloquist act, dummy and all, on a stage, on top of which Ed lands.
I realized that the ventriloquist actually speaks in Filipino! hahaha natawa nalang ako sa sarili ko when I was watching that. I had to turn up my TV's volume and listen really hard to make sure I wasn't imagining things, and the dialogue I clearly remember went:
Soldier: Eh ako nga, basang-basa sa pawis mo
Dummy: Akala mo lang pawis yan, pero ihi talaga
Epic inside joke moment! I wish I could've seen this movie in the theaters somewhere in the states, where I could feel all smug and amused, having understood an inside joke between me and the film makers, that probably nobody else understood. Hahaha!
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| quarter life crisis |
[16 Feb 2009|06:52pm] |
officially over! i finally think i've figured out what i'll be doing during my stay on this planet.
now the hard part. (i.e. the actually-getting-around-to-doing-things-and-attempting-to-get-lucky part)
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| job hunting is so frustrating |
[18 Mar 2008|10:40pm] |
2 things:
1.) i know people say i'm lucky to have interviews pa nga, but fuck it, interviews don't mean shit if they don't convert to job offers. and i have none of those. so yes, i do have the right to complain about this joblessness shit.
2.) what makes this more frustrating is that there are people i know who really shouldn't be getting the jobs i'm applying for cause i'm more than a hundred percent sure i'll outperform them anytime, anyplace. (yeah yeah, tawagin mo nang yabang, but this is my blog so shut up ) but they're getting callbacks that i'm not. and it's not just a me vs. them thing; it's like they'd suck at it anyway compared to anyone. tangina nakakaburat. hay.
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| by request |
[29 Feb 2008|12:03am] |
Rules:
→ pick 15 of your favorite movies.
→ go to imdb and find a quote for each movie.
→ post them here for everyone to guess.
→ strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
→ no googling/using imdb search functions.
1. ...I collect your fucking head. Just like this fucker here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!
2. If I don't break the peel, Manech is alive.
3. I once fell in love with someone. I couldn't stop wondering if she loved me back. I found an android which looked just like her. I hoped she would give me the answer.
4. This trial... the whole world... it's all... show business.
5. I did it when I was a freshman, and you'll do it when you're seniors. but you're doing great. Now fry like bacon, you little freshman piggies. Fry!
6. I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriosuly, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.
7. There's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue. The truth is I've always been a fool.
8. They're all gonna laugh at you.
9. I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.
10. What lingered after them was not life, but the most trivial list of mundane facts: a clock ticking on a wall, a room dim at noon, and the outrageousness of a human being thinking only of herself.
11. Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?
12. I like to get kissed before I get fucked.
13. Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine!
14. Let me explain it to you. Mitchell's the man. I'm the idiot. You're the screw-up. And we're all losers. Welcome to music town.
15. Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass.
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| Happy New Year! |
[01 Jan 2008|09:01pm] |
"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't to forget make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." - Neil Gaiman
Last year taught me to try. I've never willingly put myself out of my comfort zone more than I did. Granted, there were still tons of regrets from not trying enough (and maybe from trying too much), but the glass is always half-full to me.
Resolutions include: take up photography (i'll get my dslr upon grad yay!), FINALLY exercise (as in ETO NA TALAGA. i'm retiring this after this year,paulit-ulit nalang.) and surprise myself more. travel (and really go and explore, with my new camera, not just travel to have fun). try more things, say YES and not no, and maybe, finally do things i've been dreaming about.
happy new year everyone!
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| a thought |
[30 Dec 2007|12:01am] |
i see my future now.
i will turn out a workaholic power-hungry corporate yuppie that will forego vacations to get more things done, and burn out before i'm 35. i'll start needing professional help to keep me stable, be obsessed with my organizer, and have enough starbucks receipts to buy fifty-one new ones by December each year (although i'll never use them; too much color.) once a month i'll indulge in an all-night party or something, but only because my shrink will tell me i need to go out more often.
is it bad that i can't last a few hours without thinking about doing work? i was checking my email a few hours before Christmas eve. and i DREAM about not getting my work done. i told myself at the start of the break that this year, the break would be about rest, and enjoying myself.
don't get me wrong, i'm NOT a total workaholic NOW. i'm probably one of the few (or many i dunno) people who never really developed SUPREME OC OMG I CANT FAIL study habits (by my oh-so-lowly personal standards at least), but i think i'm starting to exhibit signs of turning into one. is that bad?
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[14 Aug 2007|11:00pm] |
PARENTS SUCK BECAUSE
they can be irrational and NOT have to explain themselves to us kids. WHY
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[10 Aug 2007|09:04pm] |
i suddenly felt the urge to blog.
i've come to realize that my biggest fear now is realizing that everything i'm doing isn't the right thing for me, and that everything i'm doing now won't contribute to what i'll eventually become. i'm really scared that everything i'm doing now will eventually turn out to be pointless.
i'm scared that i'm doing all the wrong things now. because at the end of it all, i thought i knew what i wanted, but now i'm not so sure. i'm also scared that it turns out that i don't know what i'm doing when i think i do.
I WANT TO HAVE A POINT.
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| i have metal plates in me! |
[04 May 2007|01:00am] |
2 to be exact; it was an unfortunate (or stupid, rather) dodgeball incident during the AMA YPS that left me with a then-broken-now-surgically-pieced-together left wrist. 2 metal plates screwed to my bones by 4 metal screws now support my healing bones to make sure they're in the right place. no, i do not have a cast on, but yes, i am typing with one hand (which is a bitch, but hey, haven't updated in forever so might as well.)
my wrist will be normal in 6 weeks. i still can't move my left hand much, save for my occasional finger wiggling. i am having my heavy cement splint replaced with a fiberglass one so i can move easier.
the worst part about this whole thing is that i missed the yps (had to go home right after my accident) and i'm missing work. i am dying of boredom. i wanna go back to work.
best part, however, is that i get to set off metal detectors. nyahahaha. strip search at the airport! kinky.
zomg i wanna go to work. i hate being useless.
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[25 Apr 2007|09:04pm] |
so ive been part of the workforce for the past 3 days. it's been really interesting. im handling two accounts, and one of them's strictly confidential, so i feel important HAHAHA. but seriously, it's been a good learning experience so far. i've only been working on the non-confidential one so far, it's ok but we only really started working today (as in real work na talaga) so i cant really say how it's gonna turn out. but so far, 1 client's interested (mini-stop) in our project so you never know. tomorrow we shall see what happens.
i will be more articulate when i am legally allowed.
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[23 Apr 2007|12:29am] |
i have a job! woohoo working for bcd pinpoint starting today! (in a few hours)
i dunno what im gonna do yet, i guess ill find out. super-productivity starts NOW!!!
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| so this is commitment |
[17 Apr 2007|06:55pm] |
only a few days left for summer
i might ojt after all; will tell you guys once things are finalized.
goodbye hk, goodbye beach
time to get things started.
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| summer breathing |
[08 Apr 2007|11:47pm] |
things are going well. although i haven't been accepted at any company (1 out of the 4 i applied at has rejected me) for OJT, i figured it might not be best for me right now after all. no, i'm not sourgraping. (well maybe a little)
what i've been busy with : org work. being an officer's cool so far. lots of work (damn tent inventory for AMA is no joke) and a lot more to come, but i welcome it openly. replying to so many emails at night will take some getting used to. it's good training i guess. planning's excruciatingly brain-draining (all new projects; out with the old, in with the new) but i'm up for this challenge. maybe i can get "creative" some way... hmm. add to that that I have 38 applicants for project director (with no concrete projects to direct as of today), the excitement of each meeting just rises. woohoo exciting! i cathect AMA
final fantasy tactics: ah yes, tactics on emulator has killed off more than 25 hours of my summer so far. almost satisfied with my data, maybe 10 more hours. then off to ff7 or 8.
reading : jomel got me hooked. looking forward to buying more books. am almost done with the one im reading.
sleep : ah yes more than 7 hours a day (which will change soon, but for now it's happening! yessss) is truly bliss. i've missed sleep the most
what i plan on doing next : more planning, more playing, more reading and more sleeping. also, (i promise myself SWEAR NA TALAGA) enroll at the gym by this week and start dieting. it's not just for the beach anymore, im sick of being scrawny and fat (weird but true). time to get off my unshapely, lazy ass and exercise for real.
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[06 Mar 2007|07:39pm] |
philo class today hit me; the song "the greatest love of all" suddenly made so much sense.
HMM.
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lonelylittleboy's journal